Editorial meetings canceled for the rest of the week, it's Fourth Of July Eve, we've got a full day of drinking staring us in our fat faces (gullets), and then it's Friday.
I mean, does anyone on this planet have it better than us today? No shot. This is America's week. America's big day. Imagine being European. Or Canadian. They don't know true independence (I assume they do, but for the purposes of this class, they don't).
It's our birthday week, and we shall celebrate accordingly today. So, let's get to it.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we pull the trigger with Riley Gaines and piss off all the libs who don't truly appreciate our freedoms.
What else? Well, I've got Deshaun Watson and his SI swimsuit girlfriend testing out bikinis in Spain, a couple July 4th food items to address, a throwback to the Wimbledon streaker, and the most un-American thing in the history of time taking place just one day before the most Patriotic day of the year.
Talk about some awful timing. Come on, Hooters. Hang in there! We need you now more than ever. Especially on Hump Day!
Grab you an Ultra Right to get ready for tomorrow, wash it down with two more, and settle in for a Wednesday class!
Riley Gaines is ready for the Fourth of July
I don't want to get too political in today's class – although that's awful hard right now – but we HAVE to start with our Vice President.
I was off yesterday – golfed, shot 47 on the front and that's only because I was a scramble machine after some horrific tee shots – so I don't know if anyone at OutKick touched on this Kamala Harris video. IF we didn't, I'm sorry. We're better than that.
If we did, then I'm sorry for missing it, but it deserves a second look, anyway:
"Yeah girl, I'm out here on these streets" is maybe the most hilarious thing I've ever heard a politician say with a straight face.
Kamala Harris: I'm out here on these streets!
The streets:
I just can't believe where we're at as a country right now. It's mind-boggling, but also, at the same time, it's 1000000% believable.
Remember a few weeks ago when I told you the second half of 2024 was gonna be the most insane few months in the history of time? We are right on schedule, baby!
Kamala vs. Trump for ruler of the free world will break us in a few months. Might as well start getting your affairs in order now.
Lord knows Riley Gaines already does!
Hooters girls say goodbye to NASCAR
Guns, NASCAR and freedom … my God, what a few days for Riley. Now, let's do a quick scan of the comments to see how the left is dealing with all of her winning.
Wonder how many school shootings will happen this year?
I really appreciate what you’ve done do advocate for women’s sports… but guns are bad.
I’m conservative. I like guns. I like Riley Gaines. I’m an atheist. Mythological verses from some cult book ruin that gun for me. But you have fun and keep doing what you’re doing.
WILD comment right there, huh? I didn't know it was possible to be all those things, but tmcnich5 on Instagram pulled it off.
A gun-toting conservative who believes in women's rights, but also calls the Bible a "cult book." is like spotting bigfoot out in the wild. That one has my head SPINNING.
Happy 4th, Riley!
Sad 3rd, Hooters:
Wimbledon, golf course fights, and what a moment in the Mets' booth
I mean, it's just a disaster. Hooters is down BAD right now. No doubt about it, as my good buddy Collinsworth would say.
They're closing locations left and right, and now they're essentially evicted from NASCAR. Brutal. For those who don't know, the Hooters/NASCAR relationship dates back to 1992 when the orange owl (and hot girls) made their debut on Alan Kulwicki's machine, and the rest was history.
I spent an entire afternoon with the Hooters girls – the Chicken Wing Queens, as they so affectionately called themselves – during the Daytona 500 earlier this year, which makes this announcement even worse.
"My grandfather is big into NASCAR, my dad loves it, so does my brother, and they were all Dale Earnhardt fans," Hooters Emily told me at the time. "I was, too. It's cool to be in it now, and be part of it. It's a full circle moment."
It's a sad way to go into the Fourth of July holiday, but perhaps Hooters can turn this thing around.
Blockbuster, K-Mart, Circuit City and Quiznos all did, so why can't they?! Who's with me??
OK, rapid-fire time for those of you who stuck around this far into class on a holiday eve. First up? Speaking of said holiday …
Yowza, what a statement. I don't know. I don't hate it, but I also think it's comparing apples to oranges. Thanksgiving is just such a different mindset and a completely different time of year.
When you sit down for Thanksgiving dinner, you're cold, fat, and there's football on TV. Fried turkey and stuffing sort of lends itself to that ambiance.
Tomorrow, it's gonna be a billion degrees out, we're all somewhat in shape because it's summer, and we're gonna be outside and/or around a pool/ocean. You're not eating a turkey leg in those conditions, unless you're at woke Disney World. In that case, knock yourself out.
Fine. Mount Rushmore of holiday foods:
- Thanksgiving dinner (or lunch, but anything before 3 p.m. is silly)
- Christmas Eve dinner (underrated as hell, much like Christmas Eve itself)
- Labor Day lunch/early dinner (first weekend of college football, you ain't beating that meal)
- Fourth of July (would also accept Memorial Day here. Either-or)
Happy birthday, America! You're 4th out of 4. You are welcome.
Next? It's Wimbledon week!
Look at that. Just boys being dudes. Not a phone in sight. Taking it all in. Soaking it up. Life used to be so simple.
By the way, I tried to find Melissa Johnson today. No luck. Believe me, I tried. I did find this original quote from her back in '96, though:
"It was my suggestion entirely," she said. "I did it for a bit of a laugh, although I was encouraged by all the others. I am a bit of a naughty girl and I definitely have a wild streak in me."
Happy Wimbledon week to all who celebrate!
Finally … let's quickly head to the links – and then the ballpark!
Just an insane move by the kid in the blue shirt. Coming out of nowhere with the sideways kick to the face? Wild.
I don't know who's ultimately at fault, but if a group in front of you is slow – and I'm talking obnoxiously slow – then all bets are off. I paid for 18 yesterday, knowing I'd probably only get 12 or 13 holes in. Whatever, it was a $2 difference. It was just me, so I knew I could cruise if I didn't play like a jackass.
About three holes in I caught up with a threesome (hey now!) that not only sucked at golf, but acted like they were good at golf, and therefore took 10 minutes to tee off each time.
I barely got nine in. I also would've hit into them but, like I said earlier, I wasn't exactly 2005 Tiger off the tee yesterday. Oh well. Probably for the best.
Finally … related to absolutely nothing beyond it being funny, here's the best booth in baseball doing best booth in baseball things:
Deshaun Watson and his model girlfriend enjoy the Fourth in Spain
God, I love those three. Like Riley Gaines, they have the wokes absolutely crumbling today. Good. Keep it up, America.
And happy early birthday! See you tomorrow.
Take us home, creepy Deshaun Watson!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Think my Mount Rushmore is hogwash? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
